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Observing Alex

A collection of semi-organized thoughts. Written by Alex Tingiris.

February 15, 2019

Identity and trust

To a certain extent, we adapt ourselves to conform in our environment, or most of us do. This is how we get people around us and that feels safe. But there’s a balance. How much do we sacrifice of our selves? Or, are we nothing until we have a community? A mirror without anything to reflect. I’d argue instead we’re more like water. Rugged and complex with depth and motion, but impressionable and reflective of that which we surround ourselves.

I have recently concluded that the vast majority of interactions we have don’t matter.

This being said, what makes them not matter has much to do with the lack of closeness we have with most people. It is fun to be around people when there isn’t pressure, when you don’t have important things going on that preoccupy you. In these interactions, you are focused on the present, and once the moment is gone, all you remember is the good feeling.

Of course though there are times that require our serious attention—times that do matter. And in these times we need people who we can trust to be our true selves with. While social conformity is fine for a group to have fun (read: going with the flow). When the times arise, as they always will, where we need to handle a more serious situation, we need to be able to trust in the individuals that we surround ourselves with that we won’t be pushed away for being our “pure” selves.

I think everyone is error-prone, but I am very critical of my own mistakes. Saying something that makes someone else upset or uncomfortable is something I actively fear. I don’t want to cause pain. But of course, I make mistakes. I only have so much information at any given time, and just by human nature I will mess up. And this fallibility I must learn to accept. One of the ways to make this easier is by understanding that most interactions don’t matter. Then, there are the people I love and care about the most.

Without the people I’m closest to, I would probably drive myself insane. This blog is dedicated to sharing some of my most relatable observations, but like many other people, my mind is virtually always parsing through fleeting thoughts. All of these post originate from thoughts I have, write down, and then extensively discuss with my closest friends. Instead of these thoughts echoing in my own experience, by discussing them with others who I trust to accept me regardless of what I think in the moment, my ideas develop, advance, progress. Being able to trust some people with your pure self is essential to your well-being. This idea isn’t profound at all, but it’s a concept that I haven’t fully conceptualized: true friendship is hard to break.

If you’re really close with someone, even if your lives go in different directions, there is still a sense of trust. This trust is kind of sacred. The ability to reveal your true self as much as you know yourself and get another perspective—it helps you understand who you are.

While most interactions are entertainment, what is entertainment but training to stay active for the important moments? This time, these interactions are fun, but I am realizing the closest friendship, where you are completely transparent like a body of water, grant you the solace that comes from others being able to describe the complex microcosm of the universe, the vibrant coral reef that exist within the intricacies of your mind, and a better view on how to preserve that system.

Til next time,
Alex